My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
