just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
