um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i dont even know how to be here
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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