Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We need a shit load of segways right now
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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