it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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