I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
