Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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