i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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