every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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