you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
