Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
