SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
