i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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