if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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