Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
