My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
