Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
