My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
