oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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