There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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