do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
