Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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