At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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