And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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