Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
