I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
