Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
