Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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