I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
