Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
