Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he had hair everywhere except his balls
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
