arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My vagina is officially offended.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
