I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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