id be glad to
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
