I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
