Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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