I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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