Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
