it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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