I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
