he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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