I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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