i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
