This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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