mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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