Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
