you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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