will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You're like the curious george of whores
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I want is dick and wine.
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