did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
