I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
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