Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
