ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
